I Have Some Thoughts About Your Birth Plan

I have very strong feelings about birth plans, so I'm going to walk you through my 5 birth plan hot takes.

Birth plans can feel overwhelming. There are endless birth plan templates, endless opinions about what should be included, and a lot of conflicting advice about whether you even need one. But I firmly believe that creating a birth plan is an important part of preparing for birth.

Not because birth is guaranteed to go one way, and not because your birth plan is going to control every single thing that happens in the room. A birth plan guides your birth prep. It helps you understand your options, set your boundaries, communicate your preferences, and advocate for the birth you want.

So, let’s jump into my five hot takes on birth plans.

1. The Birth Plan Template You Choose Is VERY Important

This step in itself can feel really overwhelming. It's easy to get sidetracked by the pretty birth plan templates—so many flowers and pretty colors and all the things. And you've likely heard that labor and delivery nurses and providers prefer one-page birth plans, so you're looking at all the ones that fit nice and neat on one page.

Holy shit. If all of our choices actually fit on one page, that would be incredible. But they don't.

If you choose a one-page birth plan template, you're either limiting how much control you have in the room, or you're not even educating yourself on all of your options because not all of our options fit on one sheet.

And the other problem? I've never seen a birth plan actually walk moms through each choice. It's simply checking boxes, and I don't get it. These templates are doing moms such a disservice.

A Birth Plan Should Help You Understand Your Options

So what's the solution? It's not super simple because these flowery, one-page birth plans that make you somewhat randomly check a box are everywhere. Etsy. Google. Doula pages. They're everywhere.

For moms who work with me specifically, I've just made the solution for them because I couldn't find one either. I created an 11-page birth plan template for them. Yes, 11 pages.

It walks through every single option you could possibly think of for a hospital birth. Not just the ones the hospital tells you about, but the ones you never knew were a choice unless you had a birth plan like this one - or a doula telling you everything.

The birth plan is divided into sections, with a paragraph explaining each section. And yes, there are boxes to check, but it's not done randomly because I walk my clients through it.

I totally understand that nurses and providers aren't going to look at 11 pages. They shouldn't have to. That's a lot. The 11 pages are for mom to guide her birth plan, as well as her birth prep. I type up the one-pager for my clients to bring to the hospital, so it is the best of both worlds. Everyone's happy.

Ten times out of ten, it's not completed in one sitting. Birth plans are not meant to be completed in one or two hours. It takes a lot of conversation and intentionality. It also takes extra research, and I send that to them as well.

So this brings me to my next hot take.

2. A Birth Plan Is Never Finished

God, this one actually gets under my skin. We're like, "Oh, I finished my birth plan, so that's done."

It is a living document. It can be changed at any time. It can be questioned and revisited. If you come across new research that changes your mind, then by all means, you should go back and change that birth plan.

Even in the middle of active labor, it can be changed. Now, you likely aren't going to go back and cross things out and write new things in while you’re actively having contractions. That's not what I'm talking about.

What I'm saying is that you reserve the right to change your mind at any point in pregnancy and labor. But you also need to practice being flexible.

Those two things can exist at the same time. Having a birth plan doesn't mean that every single thing has to happen exactly as you wrote it down.

And that brings me to my next hot take.

3. Having a Birth Plan Doesn't Mean You're Rigid. It Means You Have Boundaries.

I could go on and on about this one. I hear the argument made a lot that birth plans aren't for them because birth isn't guaranteed to go one way, so a birth plan is just setting them up for failure.

Stop thinking about birth plans like this.

Birth plans guide your birth prep, and they help you set your boundaries around birth. It's an advocacy tool. Birth plan or not, you can't convince me that you're truly okay with whatever happens to you in birth.

Part of birth prep and part of my very detailed birth plan is coming up with Plan B, like a C-section. Maybe a C-section isn't part of your ideal birth plan, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't think through what you would want if one became necessary.

For moms who want the epidural but want to hold off as long as possible, how do I, as your doula, know when you actually want it? Do we have a code word? Do you have to ask for it three times?

We also go over what questions to ask to distinguish if we're actually dealing with an emergency versus if the provider is just being impatient. You can set the boundaries and be the one in charge of changing the game plan if needed.

I firmly believe that if you go in without a birth plan, not knowing how to advocate, and with very little prep, that is a recipe for a traumatic birth and unnecessary interventions. Going with the flow in birth is not a flex, so let's stop acting like it is.

4. Don't Wait Until Your Third Trimester to Start Your Birth Plan

Don't wait until you’re in your mid-to-late third trimester to start your birth plan. And let’s go one step further…don't wait that long to bring it up to your provider.

Remember how I said that it's a living document? At every single appointment, there should be some sort of conversation around your birth and how you want it to look and feel. Waiting until the third trimester to have some of these big conversations can lead to disappointment.

What if your provider pushes back? What if you don't feel as much support as you had hoped for? What if you learn that your hospital doesn't allow certain things you want to try?

Of course you can switch providers in your third trimester, and I'm all for if baby's not here, it's not too late. But we have to start normalizing interviewing our providers right away.

We also have to learn the right questions to ask them because the yes-and-no questions we normally ask are way too easy for them to work around.

Start Talking to Your Birth Provider Early

In my first pregnancy, I freaking asked my OB when I should bring up the birth plan. She told me, "Oh, in a few weeks." So I didn't even talk about the fact that I wanted an unmedicated birth until 30-some weeks.

What is that?! But I know this is so normal.

I talk with clients all the time who say, "We're going to go over my birth plan next week," or, "We're going to go over my birth plan at my next appointment." Why have we not been going over it this whole time?

It doesn't have to be "finished" for you to bring things up. You can bring up your preferences. You can bring up how you see birth going. You can talk about how you see your provider's role being during birth. You don't have to wait to have this piece of paper filled out to talk to them.

Wouldn't it be easier if, at 12 weeks, you said, "Okay, I don't have all the details. I'm still doing a lot of research, but I absolutely know that I want an unmedicated birth. Can you tell me how you support unmedicated births?"

Then they start talking, and you don't like their answer. It feels a lot less overwhelming to switch providers at 12 weeks than it does at 35 weeks. You can most definitely do it at 35 weeks. But mentally, it can be harder to make that switch.

I also give my clients a resource of questions to ask providers because they can really make or break your birth experience. I really, really encourage them to ask those questions right away.

5. Handing Your Birth Plan to Your Birth Team Is Not Enough

Going through your birth plan should look like YOU leading the conversation, not anyone else.

Again, in my first pregnancy, when it was finally time to talk about my birth plan, I just handed it over to my OB and waited for her comments. I barely asked any questions. And I did the same thing at the hospital when I was induced. I gave it to my labor and delivery nurses and just waited for them to look through it.

I don't even think the OB on call saw it. I don't know how much the nurses actually looked at it. I don't know—I didn't ask. I very timidly said that I wanted an unmedicated birth, and that was it.

Your Birth Plan Is an Advocacy Tool

Your birth plan is not a magical piece of paper. Like I said before, it is an advocacy tool.

With my clients, I tell them they need to be the ones to talk through their birth plan. If they can't - if they're at the hospital in active labor, mom really has to focus on her contractions, and she's not able to talk a whole lot - then their support person needs to be able to talk through their birth plan.

It feels so freaking empowering when you take control of that conversation and actually speak what you want. Yes, hand over the paper, but also talk them through it.

"Here's my birth plan. I really want an unmedicated birth. I really need your help with position changes. Please do not bring up any interventions unless I initiate that conversation or it's a true emergency."

And on and on and on.

It means so much more to you and to your birth team when you actually speak it out loud. And I promise that you get a boost of confidence after setting your boundaries. I'm speaking from experience here.

Recap

Let's quickly review my hot takes.

#1: The birth plan template you choose is VERY important. And if you have a doula, they should be able to help guide that.

#2: A birth plan is never finished. It is a living document.

#3: Having a birth plan doesn't mean you're rigid. It means you have boundaries.

#4: Don't wait until your third trimester to bring up your birth plan.

#5: Handing over your birth plan to your birth team is not enough. You need to talk them through it.

I will never not be passionate talking about birth plans. They are a tool, but how well they work is honestly up to you.

You've heard it here: not all birth plans are created equally. Take a step toward a more empowered birth by finding one that lists all of your options. Find someone like a doula (not your provider, no matter how wonderful they are) to walk you through it.

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If you're ready to do the damn work and prepare for your birth with more clarity and confidence, DM me “POCKET” on Instagram @the.pocketdoula to get your one-week free trial.