Pregnant and Over-Googled

Let’s talk about being pregnant and over-Googled.

I know this kind of becomes a silly thing that we say to each other as moms, like, “Oh, I Google everything, hahaha.” But I can also say with quite a bit of confidence that most of us are saying it and then following it with nervous laughter. Because while Google can be a really great tool, it’s also an endless tool and not really kept in check.

You can find a million different answers to a single question, and I think things are getting worse with Google AI. We stop even clicking on articles and websites. We just read what AI says and take that as true, but it’s not reliable.

We are in an era of information overload, and it’s truly a different type of overwhelm when you experience it as a mother.

When Googling During Pregnancy Creates More Anxiety

In my first pregnancy, I Googled if I could have chicken salad, and it said no. Like, what the heck? First off, that’s a whole other issue that I even Googled if I could eat chicken salad. That’s how anxious I was.

I look back on that now and I laugh, but I also have a very clear memory of feeling so stressed about damn chicken salad! And I know I’m speaking to a lot of moms with similar stories. So, side note…send me your wildest pregnancy Google search so we can all laugh and commiserate together.

Information Isn’t Everything When Preparing for Birth

I want to focus on the fact that information isn’t everything.

Man, oh man, it is so important. We should all be going into birth having knowledge in a lot of different areas, like physiological birth, advocacy, coping tools, and all those things. But it’s not everything.

Because if you can just regurgitate the information, but you don’t actually understand the why behind it, and you don’t have a reason for your choices, it’s going to be hard to stay in control in the labor room. You’re walking in with this false sense of control.

In the last episode, we talked about birth plans and my hot takes around them, and this is kind of a continuation of that episode. I had said that a lot of birth plan templates aren’t walking you through anything. You’re just checking or not checking boxes somewhat randomly, and when that happens, it can hardly be called a birth plan.

You Need to Understand the “Why” Behind Your Birth Plan

Let’s play this out.

Pretend your birth plan says that you want delayed cord clamping. You’ve heard it’s a good thing to do, maybe some of your friends or family have done it, but you don’t really know why and you haven’t bothered to look into it. Or maybe you have, and it’s just getting really confusing. You just marked it on your birth plan, and that was that.

Now fast forward. You delivered your beautiful baby, and he or she is lying on your chest when your provider says, “Okay, partner, wanna cut the cord?” You say that you wanted delayed cord clamping, and your provider responds with, “Oh yeah, it’s been 60 seconds.” So you cut the cord, even though, really, that’s hardly considered delayed cord clamping.

The cord hadn’t even turned white yet. It was still pulsating. You didn’t know what questions to ask. You didn’t know that you should have specified that you wanted the cord to turn white and stop pulsating before cutting it.

You didn’t ask your provider ahead of time what delayed cord clamping meant to them. (You wouldn’t believe the range of definitions for this.) You didn’t even know what delayed cord clamping meant to you. You didn’t look into the benefits to know that maybe you wanted to fight for that harder than you did.

When you can’t defend why something is checked or not checked on your birth plan, that birth plan is absolutely useless to you.

Your Birth Plan Won’t Advocate for You

Your medical team doesn’t just automatically follow what your birth plan says. If you’re giving birth in a hospital, you will absolutely need to advocate for yourself at some point beyond just going over the birth plan. And if you haven’t taken the time to understand why you want certain things and want to avoid others, you will get walked all over. You will lose all power in the room.

Let’s walk through another scenario.

Let’s say your birth plan says you don’t want to push on your back. Maybe you understand that it can lead to more tearing or longer labor times, but that’s the extent of your knowledge about it. So you’re in labor, it’s time to push, and your provider insists that you lie on your back so that they, quote-unquote, “can get a better look.”

My mind right now is screaming, BULLSHIT! My mind as a first-time mom would not have thought twice. I may have been disappointed, but I wouldn’t know that I had room to say no.

So you’re pushing on your back, and now you feel your provider’s fingers stretching you, but they didn’t tell you what they were doing. Hell, they didn’t even ask for consent!

What you didn’t know about pushing on your back is that it can also be a way for providers to be more in control of your birth. Maybe if you had known that, you would have told that provider no when they asked you to get on your back.

It’s hard to smell bullshit when you don’t have evidence to support your decisions, when you don’t have strong feelings one way or another, and when you don’t even know your own why.

Stop Googling Everything About Pregnancy and Birth

So let me get back to my point.

Yes, do the research. But if you reflect right now and think, Oh gosh, this is me. I don’t really understand what I’ve put on my birth plan and why. I don’t really understand the decisions I’ve made and why, then stop Googling. You’re stretching yourself so thin. Stop scraping the surface with these topics. Dive deep. Understand the pros and cons, the risks and benefits, and make a personal decision.

No one should be calling the shots but you. It’s not your provider’s place, not your doula’s place, not your nurse’s place, and it’s definitely not Google’s place. Stop going off of what Google AI says or what the very first article on Google says. Dive deep, find where you can trust the information, and really dive into a topic until you stand on one side or the other of it.

What I can tell you is that you’ll go from feeling confused to finally gaining some clarity. You’ll go from feeling overwhelmed to calm and at peace, and you’ll go from fear to confidence and, dare I say, even excitement.

Excitement to give birth.

Because birth isn’t scary when you really understand physiological birth and you really understand the risks and benefits of different interventions.

Three Ways to Move Forward With More Clarity

And that brings me to my next point.

I know if I stopped here, most of you would be like, Okay, so now I have to memorize all these risks and benefits to everything. Megan, this is not helpful.

No, no, no.

Let me give you my top three tips for moving forward with clarity.

1. Learn to Ask Good Questions

Don’t ask yes-or-no questions of your provider. Ask questions that actually require a thoughtful answer.

And use BRAIN, the acronym. Maybe some of you have heard of this. BRAIN stands for Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, Nothing.

What are the risks and benefits of what you’re suggesting? What are the alternatives to what you’re suggesting? Then ask yourself, what is your intuition telling you? And what happens if you do nothing?

Can you see how those questions and those reflections will get you a much clearer answer than just a simple yes or no?

So in labor, if your provider is telling you to push on your back, or get an IV, or have continuous monitoring, you can go through this acronym. Or your support person can go through this acronym, so you can reach a choice that you feel good about.

2. Hire a Doula

A big part of my job is doing research for my clients. I send them articles, podcast episodes, blogs. My job is to take things off their plate. I’m not making decisions for them. I give them research-based evidence, I give them time to digest it, and then we talk it through and see what they think.

And then they have me there in their birth as well, to slow down the room, to empower them in their choices, to remind them what questions to ask, and to remind them what the evidence says.

Doulas take so much weight off your shoulders. We are a real-time resource in that room for you.

3. Find Trusted Pregnancy and Birth Resources

My last tip is to find trusted resources.

Again, if you have a doula, they can help you with this, and they themselves are a trusted resource. But stop Googling and scrolling TikTok and Instagram and letting AI tell you everything. Find a trusted resource.

Maybe it’s a blog or a podcast or whatever it is. But you know how that person conducts their research. You know what they’re an expert in. If they’re a midwife, or an OB, or a doula, they’re able to send you their resources.

And this may be another hot take…but I like to follow people who are going to respond to me. So if I DM them on Instagram, someone’s responding to me. If I have a question or ask if they can send me a resource on XYZ, they respond. I love that.

I’m not saying that has to be a criteria for you or that it should be a criteria for everyone, because there are some people with really big platforms who do incredible evidence-based research. But that’s a bonus for me. Just saying.

Be Careful Who You Trust With Your Birth Decisions

You might love your mom, and you trust her to tell you how to fix your favorite recipe, but she’s likely not the person to guide your birth decisions. Same with your sister or friend.

Your favorite Instagram influencer who has had positive birth experiences? She’s also not the one to guide you. Her experiences are not yours. Instagram is giving you a piece of people’s lives.

Find a good podcast, a good blog, a good article that actually does their due diligence, and let them be your go-to for your questions. So instead of just going to Google and having to go through all these articles and figure out what’s good and what’s not, you can first go to your trusted resource. That can be your first stop. I’m not saying you have to stop there, but that can be your first stop.

Know the Why Behind Your Birth Decisions

So let’s wrap up and review my main points.

1) Having a birth plan that you can’t defend will get you nowhere except a powerless birth. You have to know your “why” behind each decision and believe it deeply.

2) Stop Googling everything. Start intentionally diving into the risks and benefits of what’s on your birth plan.

3) And my top three tips to start moving forward with clarity are to learn to ask good questions and use the BRAIN acronym, hire a doula, and find trusted resources.

Get One Week Free Inside The Pocket Doula

Please follow me on Instagram at @the.pocketdoula, and DM me POCKET to get your one week free inside of my private community.

You get a one-to-one coaching call, a look inside my private group chat where moms have daily access to me, and a look at one of my live workshops.

And if you found this helpful, please share it with another mama who might need it, too. My hope is that you walk away with a little less overwhelm and a lot more clarity as you prepare for your birth.